Saturday, January 26, 2013

Huder - The Man spider

                 It was 8 in the evening. After finishing his work, Kevin started to home. Kevin is a stockist in Manhattan city. He used to reach home by 6 few months back. The God of Luck showed mercy on him. He got good business these days which made him to leave home late for the past few days. His company has less number of employees. So he took the burden of extra work in his back.
                 The relationship between Kevin and his wife Anne was not good these days. They started to find mistakes in everything. Due to non linearity in their thoughts, both of them were not satisfied with the sexual relationship these days. It has been two months since they had sex.
                10 in the evening and Kevin knocked the door. Steve, their son opened the door. Kevin took his dinner and went to bed. Two months of emptiness provoked Anne to have sex. She went near Kevin. Kevin was half-slept then. Kevin understood her intentions and said, 
                 "Anne. I'm tired. May be not today."
                 "Same answer. Expected."
                 "Why don't you understand my position? I'm so tired. I was working hard in the office for almost half a day."
                 "Kevin. I'm your wife. I expect you to spend some time for me as well."
                 "I'm doing all this for you and Steve. Can't you understand that bitch?"
                 "Kevin. Don't shout. Steve has not slept yet."
                 "It is not that I have to fuck you night and day since you are my wife."
                 "Mind your words Kevin. You are 36 and you are matured enough."
                 "If you wanna have sex. Get the fuck out of here. Go to street and get fucked by everyone who pass by. Leave me alone bitch."
                 "I don't wanna live with you.Impotent dick!"

                 "Who is the father of Steve then?"
                 "I cannot live with such a moron who shouts for everything."
                 Kevin got up from bed. He took the hands of Anne and pulled her to the door. He pushed her out of the house and said,
                 "Get the fuck out of here. Don't ever come back. Bitch. Get out of here."
                 "Send Steve with me. I don't want him to grow up like you."
                 "Take him as well. Leave me alone bitch. Don't ever come back."
                 "Don't call me a bitch."
                 "Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch.Bitch............. Bitch.", Kevin kept on saying this till Anne and Steve went out of his vicinity.
                 Kevin went inside the home. He felt humiliated by the word "impotent".
                 "She shouldn't have said that word. She shouldn't have. Am I impotent? Not. I'm not impotent." The speed at which he said increased., " I'm not impotent. I'm not impotent. How that bitch say like that? I'm not impotent. I'm not impotent. I'm not impotent. I'm not impotent. Uh. Uh. I'm not impotent. I'm not impotent. Aaaaaaaaah. I'm not impotent. Get this. This is for you. I'm not impotent. I'm not imponet. Ssssssh. Aaaaaah. I'm not impotent. I'm not impotent. I'm not impotent. How that bitch say like that? I'm not impotent.". Deep breathe. The speed at which the words are uttered reduced. "I'm not impotent. I'm not impotent. I'm not. Ssssh. I'm not. Oh. Oh. I'm not impotent. I'm not impotent. I'm not impotent. I'm not impotent. I'm not impotent. Wow. Wow. See the thickness. See the quantity. Oh my God. Fuck. I'm not not impotent. Wow. I'm not impotent."
                Energy wasted at the wrong time. If he used this energy 20 minutes before, his family would have stayed with him.
                 Kevin had sound sleep. The stock rates, Anne, Steve faded out of his mind and he had a good rest. The morning alarm waked Kevin up. He felt fresh. A fresh day. A fresh life. No more blabbers from Anne. Kevin found his abdomen and penis sticky. He went to washroom. He removed all his dress to have bath. He was shocked. He ran backward to the corner of the bathtub. He saw a big spider of circumference which spread from his upper abdomen and penis vertically and from middle of left thigh to middle of right thigh horizontally with broken pieces of egg throughout its body. He didn't see such a big spider in his life. He slowly touched one of the legs of spider, pushed it and he ran out of the washroom. He went to another bathroom and left to the office.
                 Loneliness started to play a role in his life. He used to see television shows, play video games, eat burgers and sleep. Television became his only companion. The memories of Anne came in between like passing clouds. She will not come back for his deeds as well. He was like a north pole of magnet looking for a south pole.
                 Couple of weeks passed by and his routine continued. Kevin came from his office and switched on his television. He was seeing "Spell Bee". A voice from a corner of the room called, "dad". The voice is  husky and like a small child. He saw at all the sides of room but couldn't find where the voice came from and he thought it was an illusion. Again a voice came from the corner of the room, "dad".
                   Kevin stood from his chair. "Who is that? I'm hearing voice. But not able to figure out who is calling me. Who is that?"
                   "See down on the right corner next to telephone stand."
                   "Ya. I am. Hybrid of man and spider."
                   "Are you the same one which I saw couple of weeks before in my penis?"
                   "Yes. The same guy."
                   "You have grown three times in couple of weeks."
                   "Your gene. May be?"
                   "My gene. What are you talking about?"
                   "Yes, I am your son."
                   "What the fuck?"
                   "Yes the same. You did it to my mom and so I am here."
                   "Who is your mom?"
                   "She died two days after I was born. She was not able to move a single step after you deposited your sperm in her sexual organ."
                   "No girl of mine stays with me for long days it seems. Hey don't shit here. Do you see a toilet over there? Go there."
                   "Hey spider man!! How do you speak English?"
                   "Spider man is a man with characteristics of spider. I'm a Human spider. A spider with the characteristics of human. And for English, I see all the stuff you see in television and I picked it. I must be having better IQ than this Sheldon Cooper (laughs) "
                   After some time,
                   "Hey how is it possible to have a hybrid between a man and spider?"
                   "You are my dad. You have to answer that. Anyways. Yesterday you were seeing something in Animal Planet. What was that?"
                   "Yes. Liger. Hybrid of male lion and female tiger."
                   "The same way. Like Liger, this Huder. The male Human and female spider."
                   "Fuck that. One more creature to get spoiled by me. Do you have any name?"
                   "So... Shall I name you? Do you have any name which you like the most?"
                   "Hmmmmm... Four."
                   "Yeah. Four."
                   "Crazy shit. Why four?"
                   "Spell four."
                   "F O U R."
                   "How many letters?"
                   Counts and says, "Four."
                   "That is why. Seems unique? Like me."
                   "Oh my God."
                   "The number of letters in Oh my God."
                   "Intelligent piece of shit."
                   "Stop that Four. How do you learn this?"
                   "I don't know. May be my mother is brilliant."
                   "Hmm. Hmmm. Where do you sleep?"
                   "May I with you?"
Next day morning, alarm sounds.
                   "Dad. The alarm is snoozing for third time. Please get up."
                   "Four. Good morning and thanks for remaining this."
                   "Thank you. May I get you a coffee?"
                   "How can you?"
                   "Look at these two legs. These are like human hands."
                   "Oh my God. What then hell is this? You have a mole in thumb exactly like me."
                   "Genes. I will get you a coffee in 5 minutes. Freshen up."

                   Four came into the life of Kevin as an answer to his loneliness. They started to live happily. They used to see movies together. They used to play chess. They discuss about world events. Kevin used to say words, sentence and even paragraphs. Four replied the number of letters in fraction of seconds. Kevin was astonished by this talent of Four. He named this game as Count bee and played it with Four daily. A month passed by.Four grew 2' tall and it was 5' wide.

                   Kevin knocked the door.
                   "Dad. You came early. Heyyyy. Shall we see a movie?"
                   "The Pursuit of Happyness, This is the only DVD left. Shall we?"
                   "Play it."
                   "It has to be H A P P I N E S S according to dictionary. But it is printed as H A P P Y N E S S."
                   "Is it? Leave it. May be the director did not have good English like you"

The movie finished. Four was crying.
                    "Hey Four why are you crying?"
                    "I am happy I got a good father like Chris Gardner."
                    "Am I a good father?(cries)"
                    "Yes, you are.(Hugs and kisses)"
                    "Dad. Am I a good son?"
                    "Yes. Much better than Christopher."

Some days later,
                    "Dad, Shall we play chess?"
                    "I'm not winning a single game."
                    "I'll see that you win."
Starts to play.
                    "Don't move the queen. If you do so, I will give a checkmate with my horse. Move your bishop and kill my soldier so that you can arrest my king."
                    "Thank you. Check mate."
They saw a movie as it is a routine and moved to bed.
                    "Dad. What are you doing?"
                    "I'm testing if I'm impotent."
                    "Don't do that."
                    "Shut up you son of a bitch."
                    "4. Fuck and Four both are 4. Ha ha."
                    "Stop counting every shit. Idiot."
                    "Yeah. Came out. It came out."
                    "Sorry. I used some unpleasant words. Sorry."
                    "Dad. Don't bring your hands close to my face. Something smells bad. Wash your hands and come."
                    " Because of this you are in this beautiful world. Ha. ha."

                   Two months later, Kevin has met with a serious loss in the business and was forced to pay two million dollars within a week. He came to home with dejection. He felt that he cannot win in any thing in his life.
                    "Dad. Shall we see a movie today? Forrest Gump."
                    "No. Not today."
                    "You don't seem normal today. Any troubles."
                    "I have to pay two million dollars debt within a week. Where will I go? Money plants won't give money."
                    "I am sorry for that."
                    "I don't win any game in my life."
                    "I don't make you lose. I'll see you win the game."
                    "This is not chess, Four."
                    "Whatever it may be. I'll see you win the game. I have an idea. Now media do anything to get more viewers. Why can't I host the game show Count bee? If I tell the count wrong, the player will get a million dollar. How is it?"
                    "Will it work?"
                    "I always hope for the best. Call the television channels. Let see someone take me."

Kevin in telephone, "Hello! This is Kevin. From 21st street."
                     "How can I help you sir?"
                     "I need to talk to your channel's creative head."
                     "Ya. I am the creative head."
                     "I have a hybrid of man and spider. His name is Four and he has a beautiful talent of saying the count of letters of any word, sentence and even paragraph. Why can't your channel host a program with him?"
                    "I'll be in your home in a hour."
 Kevin comes to hall and says,
                    "Four. I spoke to CBS. The Creative head said he will come and see you in a hour."
                    "What amount shall I quote to him?"
                    "You have a debt of 2 million dollars. Ask for additional 3 million dollars so we can live happily after that."
Door knocks.
                    "I think it is people from CBS."
Kevin opens the door.
                    "Shall we see the spider man?"
                    "No it is man spider. Spider with characteristics of a man. Huder - the human spider."
                    "Ok. Shall we see the Huder?"
                    "Of course."
Kevin goes to living room
                    "Four! Ten people have come to see you. Come lets go."
                    "Yes, remember. 5 million"
                    "Sir , This is the huder you're waiting to see. As tall as the washing machine and as wide as my height. IQ greater than your Sheldon Cooper(laughs)."
                   "Jesus. This is big crazy creature."
                   "Sir. He already started to count."
                   "What is his name?"
                   "(Counts) No it was 13."
                   " What?"
                   "W h a t is 4 i s is 2 h i s is 3 and n a m e is 4. So 13."
                   "No Sir. His name is Four."
                   "Mr. Four, our panel will check your accuracy and if satisfied we can go for the game show. Are you ready?                  
                   "(Counts). That was correct.(Claps)"
                   "Ya. I'm ready."
                  "The furnitures are good."
                  "It is not furnitures. It is furniture. Anyways, the count is 20."

The panel tested with thousands of words, sentences and paragraphs. The last paragraph is
                  "The young man from China wanted to learn English. His English is not good. So he thought of joining a tution where English is taught."
                  "(Counts) It is 107."
                  "Yes. You are wrong and you are not fit for the show. We are concerned with hundred percent accuracy and you are not efficient."
                  "No, it is 108."
                  "See this.  The is t h e so three. Young is y o u n g so 5.  Man is 3. From is 4. China is 5. Wanted is w a n t e d 6. To is 2. Learn is 6 sorry 5. E n g l i s h is 7. His 3. English again 7. Is not is 5. Good is 4. So is 2. He is 2. T h o u g h t is 7. Of 2. Joining 7. A 1. Tution 6."
                 "Sorry tuition is 7."
                 "T u t i o n 6."
                 "It is t u i t i o n. You missed the i. So the count is 108."
                 "Is it t u i?"
                 "(Other member of panel checks dictionary) Yes, it is."
                 "Sorry Mr.Four. This is my mistake and welcome to CBS."
                 "Thank you."
                 "Mr. Kevin. Shall we speak about the norms?"
                 "Yes, Sir."
                 "We like to pay 1 billion dollars."
                 "1 billion!!!"
                 "But there are certain conditions."
                 "You should not reveal to anyone that Four belongs to you. Four will stay under our shelter. You should not enjoy any relationship with him hereafter."
                 Kevin became silent. He went inside the living room. Four followed him.
                "You thought of 5 million. But ended up twenty times. Happy."
                "But you won't be living with me anymore."
                "I never let you lose. I saw you won the game."
                "This victory never brings happiness."
                "Bitter happiness. Ha. Ha."
                "How can you smile? I am going to say no to them."
                "Can I ask you a favor?"
                "You have been a good Chris to me. Give me a chance to prove that I am a good Christopher."
                "What should I do?"
                "Say yes to them."
                "No, I want to live my entire life with you."
                "Ha. ha. Do you know the life span of a spider is 1 year. I lived 6 months with you. You did all good for me. I take this chance to payback. Payback time dad."
                 Kevin and Four hug.
                "Son, you gave me a chance to believe myself. Thanks a lot."
                "So is that a yes?"

The first premiere of Count Bee.
              Kevin watches from home.
               "So I'm ready fro the last sentence. Are you ready to take home 3 million dollars?"
               "What is your last sentence. Mr.Edward?"
               "Customer satisfaction is one of the key factors which make the product stay long."
               "(Within a fraction of second)  66."
               "In less than a second. Fuck!!!"
               "Fuck is four. Four is four. Meet me Four at Same time, same channel tomorrow. Make me to commit mistake and take home 3 million dollars."
               The show was a huge hit and the TRP ratings went high like a rocket. No one was able to make Four lose. His IQ was measured as 342.

One year later in television,
                 "Mr. Four, the most intelligent creature passed away. The huder survived for 19 months, 7 months longer than average span of a spider. The world has lost a brilliant entertainer."
                  Kevin started to cry. He never felt this bad even when Anne and Steve went out. He didn't had a good companion like Four in his life.
A week later, Kevin opens the door after back from office. He switched on the television. A voice from the corner said, "Mr. Kevin."
                  He walked near the place where the voice came. He saw a huder of height lesser than that of Four.
                   "Oh my god! I did not masturbate for three months. How this is possible?"
                   "Don't panic. I asked my father that I wish to see his father. He gave this address."
                   "Grandson!! At the age of 36."
                   "Shall we play chess?"
                   "Don't worry. I'll make sure that you win the game."
                   "Same words. Ha. ha.."
                  Kevin played a couple of games with his grandson.
                   "What is your name?"
                   "Shall we go to bed?"
                   Kevin opened the door and was shocked.
                   "These are all your grandchildren. Totally 78 in number. 26 can speak English.
                   "Oh my God. What the fuck is this? Seventy eight grandchildren."
                   Many voices together, "49."

Monday, January 7, 2013

தெய்வீக விவாதம்

வடிவேலன் ஆறுபடையன்
வேலாயுதன் நான்

புலிவாகனன் சபரிவாசன்
சாந்தரூபன் நான்

தந்தைக்கே கற்பித்த
அறிவில் சிறந்தவன் நான்

அன்னை பிணிக்கு புலிப்பால் கொணர்ந்த
அன்பின் அடிமை நான்

குறத்தியை மணம்புரிந்து
ஜாதிகளை திறந்தவன் நான்

ஜாதிகளே வேண்டாமென
பட்டையும் நாமமும் கலந்து
வந்தவன் நான்
வாவரின் தோழன் நான்

பெண்கள் வாசமே இல்லாதவன் நீ
இருதாரம் கொண்டு
இல்லறத்தில் சிறந்தவன் நான்

இருதாரமெனும் பெண்ணவமதிப்பு வேண்டாமென
இருதாரம் கொண்ட சாஸ்தாவின்
பாவமன்னிப்பு அடையாளமாய்
பிரம்மச்சரிய அவதாரம் கொண்டவன் நான்

கோவிலுக்கு வந்த புஷ்கலையை
உள்ளிழுத்து கொண்ட
காமுகனின் அவதாரம் தானே நீ!!!

கண்டதெற்கெல்லாம் கோபம் கொண்டு
மலைக்கு மேல் கோவணம் அணிந்து
நின்றவன் தானே நீ!!!

சூரசம்ஹாரத்திற்கு செந்தூர் வந்து பார்
மக்கள் என்மேல் வைத்திருக்கும் நம்பிக்கையை

மகரவிளக்கிற்கு பம்பை அருகிலும் வரவேண்டாம்
கால்வைக்க இடமின்றி
நம்பிக்கை இழந்திட போகிறீர்

பக்தர்களை உன்பக்கம் இழுக்க
சரவணன் தம்பியே சரணம் ஐயப்பா என்று
என் பெயர் தேவை உனக்கு!!

அகந்தை வேண்டாம்
அதை கேட்டேனும்
உன்னிடம் வரட்டுமே என்று தான்!!

நீவீர் எம்மைந்தர் அல்லர்
என அறிக்கை விட்டுவிட்டு
காற்று வாங்கும் என் கோவில்களுக்கு
உங்கள் பக்தர்களை இழுத்திடுவேன்!!

இவைகளை கேட்ட யானைமுகன்
அவனவனுக்கு ரெண்டு பெண்டாட்டி
எனக்கு ஒன்றிற்கே வழியில்லை
பெரிய கோவிலும் இல்லை
கூட்டம் போட்டு சதுர்த்தியில் வணங்குவோரும்
கடலில் என்னை வீசிவிடுகிறார்கள்
என்று கூறும்போதே
வருத்தமிகுதியில் கண்களில் கண்ணீர்!!